When I came in treatment, I was a scared little boy at age 25. I had everything handed to me and wants outweighed my needs which made me a taker. I came in and there was no hope for me, so I thought, and that this was just to prove to my parents that I’m going to do what I want to do. I also thought that I can use a little vacation from my previous life and that I can put some distance between me and the people I burned in hopes that these people will forget and we can go on our with our lives.
For the first two weeks everything was going according to MY plan. I was faking it til I made it; Lying to clinicians, taking other peoples inventory (basically telling myself I was better than these people) and not focusing on a solution because my life was so great (and that’s why I’m in rehab). But something happened as time went by, I was being looked at like a human, like I needed attention, like I mattered. I started to notice this and one day I decided to let everything go. All the anger, mistrust, dishonest intentions or thoughts, my pride and ego, and most of all I let go of a disbelief. When I did this, nobody turned their back, instead they flocked to me, they carried me through these times.
The clinicians tended to my wounds while the techs opened them up each night to see what infections still lay there. Everything these people did to me was truly out of love and being grateful that they can give back. When this process was done, I had transformed into someone I never saw, someone that I’ve always wanted to become but never thought was possible. They gave me tools I could use to cope with these problems I had and most importantly they told me that there is a solution. However, this solution was not obtainable through the way I wanted it to be. There was no more room for my thinking.
I left there with such valuable and priceless tools on how to run the rest of my life if I chose to be willing to use them. I met a whole new set of friends, ones that didn’t looked at me like the way I viewed myself. I uplifted my life to be surrounded by these people in hopes that one day I could obtain what they said would happen and the only requirements I needed were to stay willing and take suggestions. things started to materialize in my life the way I had imagined but not in the ways I had imagined.
This place, StR, truly made a difference in my life. I became more grateful for what I have rather than dwell on what I didn’t have. I became a better son/brother/grandson/nephew and better person in general. StR will be forever in my mind as a pivotal time in my life. They are with me in every step of my journey and I am in debt to them for saving a life worth living.
