Posted by Steps to Recovery on December 23, 2012
The night I arrived home everything seemed normal. My mom and stepdad picked us up from the airport, we got food, came home and went to bed. Most of the next day things were normal as well, my mom and her husband live with my grandma in the lower level of her house. In the afternoon my mom, grandma, my daughter and I were in the kitchen and my mom could hear someone downstairs talking, so she yelled down and her husband said he had some friends visiting.
I knew something was up as soon as my mom shut the door and didn’t take my daughter down to meet the people who were visiting. My mom is very enthusiastic about her only grandchild. It became painfully obvious when my daughter started asking to go downstairs to play and my mom refused. She loves taking my daughter down to her own space. I knew something was going on and I was pretty sure I knew what it was.
Addiction runs in my family. My mom was a meth addict, who knows, sometimes I think she still uses. Her husband has been in trouble in the past, before they were married, for meth and was also an addict. He is really laid back and mellow, he is a really loving, amazing person, I have never felt uncomfortable around him. But this day something changed.
When his friends left and he came up, I started noticing all the little things. Sweat on his brow, a little crazy in his eyes, faster speech and a difference in voice infliction and tone. Fidgeting, he just looked busy, even when he was standing still. He is a bit of a shut in, but now he was eager to go out for any little reason.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that my stepdad is on meth. At first I was pretty freaked out and unsure what to do. I felt like I needed to say something, to someone. I felt like I should talk to him, but I’m reluctant. I felt like I wanted to say something to my mom but she doesn’t manage her emotions or anything else very well. I am here for another week. I don’t particularly want to confront the situation especially when we are staying here. I don’t want to be in the middle of any drama. I have my own needs and my baby to think of.
So I started asking myself what I really need. How am I really feeling. I noticed that I am not so uncomfortable as I am disappointed. I am strong in my recovery and what someone else is doing does not affect that. He is still the amazing person that he always has been. And although it is not how I would prefer it to be, it’s not hurting anything right now. Am I on high alert? Yes. Do I believe something bad is going to happen? No. I believe we are ok. Everything is fine.
So I reached out to my support group. My partner, my best friend. They are the people I always turn to and they understand and are supportive. I feel much better after talking about it with the people who support me most. Because what other people do don’t define or influence my own recovery. In fact, I believe experiences like this are very rich for me, and only make me stronger. It just reinforces how I feel about staying clean when I see people around me suffering from drug use still.
How do you cope with people being high in your presence?