Posted by Steps to Recovery on December 17, 2012
Tomorrow I will be headed home for the holidays and my 34th birthday with my family. “Home” is over 1600 miles away from where I live now, I left there 13 years ago to escape all my woes and try to outrun my addiction. Little did I know then that it’s not as easy as picking up and leaving..As they say, wherever I go, there I am.
It took me 10 years, even after I left my home, to get clean. And a lot of heartache. But here I am, 3 and a half years clean from meth and happily living a life I never thought I would have. I’m steady in my life, I’m sure of who I am and what I am doing here, I have an amazing support system and my journey in recovery is rock solid.
In the 13 years that I have been gone, I have visited “home” 5 times. This will be the 6th. The last time I visited I had no problem staying clean, my baby was 4 months old then and I never went out away from her. This time I will stay clean as well but I have decided to go meet some of my old friends to visit. A little birthday get together, I feel confident in my ability to make good choices and hang out with the right people.
But it’s always good to be prepared. I have my boyfriend, always a beacon signaling me when the waters are uncertain, my family will be there to provide support and my best friend, also a recovering meth addict, is just a phone call away. I will be with people who are on the same path as I am, people who understand and who want the best for me. It will just be a few hours, the first few hours I have ever taken away from my daughter, just for myself with nothing to do but relax.
Despite my past, I am ready for this. I am ready to trust myself in the battlefields of my youth. I know I am strong enough to continue to just be me, even in an environment I once believe was trying to destroy my spirit. I am looking forward to my trip home, to seeing my family and spending time with friends I have not seen in far too long. I’m headed home and I’m looking forward to it more than I can ever remember.